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The hunt for a soul mate can sometimes be demoralizing for the romantically unattached, but one University of Alberta professor believes that very hunt may be hurting your chances at long-lasting love.

That’s according to the findings of a new study co-authored by Adam Galovan, from the Faculty of Agricultural, Life & Environmental Sciences, and co-author of a new research report that challenges the myth of there being a perfect match, or “soulmate”.

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Instead of following previous studies that analyzed the satisfaction rates of couples who identify as soulmates, Galovan and his colleagues decided to investigate how these types of couples defined satisfaction, and whether or not they were actually healthy relationships.

“It depends on if you have a destiny belief or a growth belief in relationships,” said Galovan.

“A destiny belief is the idea that if you can just find that one and only soul mate then everything will just be perfect.

“The growth belief is one where you think there are many people out there we could probably get along with, but we have to put in effort and contribute to the relationship.”

The study suggests five methods to help set aside the kind of thinking that leads to what they call the “soul trap”.

The first, and the most vital method according to Galovan, is to avoid what they call a consumer approach to relationship, where the allure of personal gain, low cost, and entitlement leads one to think something better is always around the corner.

“You know it’s not just what you’re getting from the relationship,” said Galovan.

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“Are you actually developing healthy relationship habits that help you question not just if they’re right for you but are you right for them? Have you developed the ability to work through differences, and differences of opinion, to show compassion and to be supportive and the type of person that I’m hoping to find for myself.” 

The study also advises people looking for love to set realistic expectations, develop a more well-rounded understanding of love, and maintain an optimistic outlook in the face of potential heartbreaks.

“Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out, and you have to be able to walk away,” said Galovan.

“If you stay optimistic, you can say try again, maybe evaluate yourself a bit and grow. It will still hurt, but getting out of the soulmate mentality gives you more optimism that there are other opportunities out there to find happiness with someone.”

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